My Thoughts.

i can probibly live just one day over..
i dont really remember the day but it was the good old days.
one of meghans sleepover.. i think the first day. we went to the mall got
jessicas skateboard. went back to meghans house. and as meghan was in the shower.
i told maddy i have always wanted to jump over the couch. me madyy and jessica were sitting
on the couch watching t.v and amelia was on the lap top not knowing what was happening.
me maddy and jessica lined up and kept jumping over the couch. then jess did it and then i did it and i
hit my thigh on the coffee table extremely hard and i turned over and was crying and laughing.
and then maddy jumped with out knowing i was there and then she jumped over and like landed on me
 her butt was like on my face and it stunk!!!
then we were laughing for days.. my thigh got a 7 inch bruise..
and then amelia after a while was all why are you laughing.. it was the best day ever!
but other then that i would think i wouldnt change much..other then relive the day
that messed up every friendshhip i had.. but i also know it changed me by loosing them.. it was
a valley i go through. but yeah..
off to heavens gates and hells flames.. im
dissapointed in it this year.

ight. lata

i miss phenomenon..
when everyone lifted there hands to the most high god..
im sick and tired of seeing kids go in an out.. of seeing my friends
fall and not get back up..
im sick of seeing the youth live in a routine.
i want to see an army rise up..

it was sometime after paster cancelled fight clubs and pastor said im going
to let the band go and im going to be in my office worshiping.
poeople satayed and stood there. then we all rose up as an army and started singing.
cus thr enemy has been defeated and death couldnt  hold you down...
people left home. but a certain group stayed. at least 30 stayed crying out to god.
me sara and patrick were there. . pastor came out and said this is it. the army i have been longing to see
rise..

another time was in phenomenon and i was in the 6th grde and a demon stepped in and was marching around.
a strong presence was in the room. the kid who was posest was dragged to pastors foot immediatly..
it was as if god pulled him and the demon was holding on tightly to pastors foot.
pastor began to speak in tongs. the demon was curling up and shaking by thre holy spirit. and by the name
of jesus. the interns back then held on the demon and his eyes were a beaming red. he looked directly into the
crowd and said all you are mine.. your all mine.. your all going to die..
pastor spoke to him and said no. because of you everyone here is saved by god. the demon was furious and was struggling
to get out of the place but he couldnt he was strapped. that night all of us.. all the youth that was there was rocked
by god. everyone was asking god. come in to my life and forgive..

those two days i will never forget. i want to see the stadium rise up and the kids who go now start going not just to see there friends but to go meet god.

since i have been away from this thing i have been just really lonely..
these past two months its been the hardest ever. dealing with my brother getting married next year
to a 29 year old. also i havent talked to my mentor in a while.. 
im so broken inside it hurts on the out. 
i found out who my true friends are this summer.. 
and it was hard to find out. 
now that aaron moved right on in things have been alot funner in the house. 
but its also like haveing a brother again.. 
christmas wasnt all that great because my brother was acting up. and brought is 
soon to be wife and her son very awkward. theres never really anything to write on here
so bye

 

 

im sick and tired.. 
of the crap, the drama, and the fakeness. 
its not gonna be  the same as friends between us.. 
im trying to keep my distance from u 2. its hard i just dont wanna
get caught in the crap you guys start.. 
and if you ever say another thing concerning my sister and david and gabby.. 
its done.. ill be happy when they are nice things.. but when you go and say crap like that
that dont fly by me.. 
dont say that stuff about her and then the next day be all bff. i hate that the most.. 

and u... stay away from shawn.. hes trying to grow as much as possible. 
dont ruin that.. i know him better then you. you humble his spirit.. 
and when i see him hurting and when we talk ahhh the fustration gets me..
yeah i forgive... just dont do tat crap again..

i hate fake people. 
i hate rude people.. 
i hate people who leave me out...
i hat when people talk crap.. 
i hate people who lie to me when i know what really went down...

okay maybe hate is a strongg word.. but i dislike thosee people very very strongly.. 


i just dont get why you guys act this way.. 

im done tolerateing this.. 

im over it.. 

bye now..

  i find myself lying on the floor in my room with my mom crying. i couldnt breathe. 
my mom was holding me and saying i miss you annie. i wish i was back.. i was letting all my emotions out 
for the first time to her. we started to talk about the memorys we once had. she was saying when she
would ride her bike she would feel lonely beause i wasnt there. we use to alwys go bike rideing when i would 
get mad and i needed to do something. so we would just ride. 

all i want is for her to get back into church. that is all i desire right now. nothing else will please me more
then  to see my mom who once obbused me, called me horrible names,and was a drud addict praising 
god once again. and i know she will soon.. im saying this.. shes gonna be born again on mothers day
my god is big. no one can tell me any different. the same god who bought me out of everything i ve been through 
in life is the that that is going to save my mom and change her ratical. i jut cant wait to see her at the alter 
on that sunday and crying out to god for forgiveness.. less then a month till god changes her and turns her
life upside down. then my dad is going to come back on june 8th the day after i graduate. i cant wait to see him rocked
by god.. that isall i ever desire right now.

 

I have been learnaing how to not worry about my friends who desided to give up on God and life. I know it is all in a matter of timeing. They can't deny who God is if they have felt his presence. But the thing is, they can not handle things on their own. It isn't their way, it is suppose to be God's way how to live your life. My friends and so many people are so blinded by what the world/enemy has to offer and God is right there calling your name and saying you are going the wrong way! So many people pray and ask God to show up in there life. But god already did, it is time for you to show up in his life so you can feel his presence.

He took that first step of dieing on the cross for you. Now is the time for you to die, to put your oldself behind and have a newself. Gods way of living not yourway. God is supppose to be your idol, your obbsesion,the one you worship, your only God.

It is time to move forward, not backward. Look ahead, not behind you, encourage, don't discourage, run, don't walk, stand up, don't sit down, it is time to take this battle and win it. It is time to stand up for what we belive in and not to be ashamed of the God we serve. Because our God is a mighty God, he created this universe and us, he saved us out of our brokeness and gave us freedom.

i think about all of my memorys.
about every friend i have had and every friend that has
left my side when i needed them the most. 
i think about the family members that has past
away and i never got to say my last goodbye to them.
i miss justin even though i havent seen him since 2000
i miss him. as life goes on i think about all the pain i have 
been through. all the things my mom has ever said and done 
to hurt me. as life goes on i constantly think about my dad.
how he left us so many times but i still have that love for him that never 
stops growing..i think about the places i have been to that took my mind
off life itself and hopeing and wishing i can go back.
i wonder how did i get the place i am today, a loyal friend, and a stable leader,
i wonder where would i be if i didnt know the people i know today.
as life goes on i think about all the things i have and will accomplish.
 

At service today there was this little 3 year old mexican kid.. 
she fell under the seat and started to cry. the dad quickly picked up her
daughter and gave her a kiss and said everything is okay.
the daughter stopped crying after a couple of minutes.
see a dad is supposed to be there when the daughter is hurting, and doesnt know 
what to do.. it brought me back to when i was once getting hit by mom..
i was in soo much pain as a young child.. didnt know where to go and 
my dad got home saw me weeping and help me in his arms and said, annie,
everything is going to be okay. i need that dad here soo badly to say that to me once again
i miss him soo much.. i dont think he knows how much this effects me of not having him
here.i pray and hope that god will bring him back to us

adelle birdsong... 
is a girl i have been friends with since the 4th 
grade. she is now 8 months pregnent. she is 14 years old
and is pregnant with a 17 year old mexican kid named 
Paco... hecka getto.. man today was the first time isaw adelle 
since august 28th... she had a small stomach and now shes huge..
she got wide and her stomach got big.. 
i still cant believe shes gonna be a mom. i already called being 
and aunt to the baby. aunt annie... knowing adelle shes gonna want 
the baby to call me aunt dimples.. looking at adelle and 
knowing how beautiful she is. and then seeing her boyfriend. kills me
she can do way better then him 
she can get a hott fit guy when she grows up. and ecspeccially a white man.
who has money in the bank. choooot that girl threw away her life..
ima go to high school enjoy those 4 years and adelle will be home takeing care of a baby.
no more hanging out days with her and her friends. now shes gonna be home with a baby in her hands.
at 14 years of age.
it hurt me when i saw adelle, she is carrying a child in her stomach.
today was my chance to pray with her but i was too scared.. idk why though..
i pray that god keeps the baby aracely safe and protected as life goes on. i know 
im gonna be by adelle, and aracely. that baby wasnt a mistake .. god uses anyone .
and he is going to use aracely. and ways people would never expect.

poeple who has felt god once they go and try to deny it.
people can't make it on their own in life.
i sad to see people come and go but thats life. you can't do anything.
instead of pray and interseed for them.
they choose the way they live..we cant force them not to do what they are doing.

i have friends who were so passionate for god. they gave me encouraging words to go on
at school. they were they only friends i had that didnt hold me back from going after god.
it hurts. but i still have hope for them..
i know they are gonna come back. they cant say gods not real when they felt him
themselves. 

God is right there through thick and thin.. people go through valleys.. people 
never said being christianity is easy.. you are gonna go through alot of trials..
life is good at times. and life is crap sometimes.
when you feel like quiting keep on going foward and after god..
life will get back on track if you rely on God and only God.
people and role models are gonna let you down.. they dont meen to 
but thats life.

 

i didnt know i would be mentoring...
after being mentored since the 6th grade.. 
now i am mentoring.. 2 girls.. god can do all things...
i was once so bound up in my anger and i hated life..
i was obbused, in any way u can think of.. promises broken..
i never wanted to let people in to my life..
because i thought they will bump those arrows.. now im relieved ..
god brought me out.. im happy.. im cleaned.. im new and refreshed.. 
im soo glad i get to mentor girls..now i have to step up my game..
now im finally getting. i have to fight.. theres no more backing downn.
i can only go foward..
past is past.. 
present is present..
and future is future..
God takes care of everything.

who would have thought.
a little girl who was obbused, made fun of her hole life, got called horrlble names 
by her own mom, would be serving god. i was once soo bound up in my anger,
my unforgiveness, my bitternes, and all my thoughts. i was an angry kid. i was once wrapped 
around the devils finger. now that fool doesnt have any control over me. 
you would think i would hate god. because i went through all this. we dont have perfect lives.
we go through hardships. that there was just the biggest hardship i probibly will go through.
god never ment for me to get obbused,called those names my mom called me. but what god does.
he turns what the devil threw at you into a testimony. i was thinking the other day,
that the devil has no power, over us or the world. if god has ALL THE POWER what does that leave the enemy?
NOTHING. the people who have the biggest fear of praying out loud, 
they will grow up to be prayer worrior , 
those who are afraid of wittnessing your gonna be a crazy evangalist, 
god makes your fears into strengths.,,, i am glad all that junk went on in my life
cus i honestly wouldnt be the person i am today... . GOD HAS ALL THE POWER SO THAT LEAVES THE DEVIL WITH NONE.

 

Her mom a drug addict, her dad an alcoholic. Her and her siblings moved often, never having stable friends. They were always the “new kid.” Her parents always fought. The little girl often blamed god for everything that was going on. In the in the 3^rd grade something in her family just shifted, but not for the good. All in the same year she gave her heart to god, got hit by a car, and her parents split. She hated her dad. As a small girl she saw her dad beat her mom. Those images stick to her till to this day. The young girl’s family moved in with her grandpa. Her mom got her self into drugs and alcohol, and with a guy. The drugs made her more deprest. That caused her mother to take her anger and all her frustration and hurt out on the little girl and her sister. Burses covered the girls’ arms and legs. In the 5^th grade the girl had suicidal thoughts; the bad thing is that her mom encouraged her. Her mom left. Her and her sister and brother moved in with there aunt and uncle. Her mom, in and out of jail. The amazing thing is that her mom is now cleaned, her dad no longer drinking but he does live in another state. Her and her siblings are serving god, and are youth leaders. It’s crazy how things turn out for the best.

how can so many memories come back in one blink..
i saw his face. and i got soo angry for what he put my family through..
i wanted to scream.. and tell him stay away from my mother. 
when i saw him i thought back to what he put my mom through, for what he put me through..
yeah it was good to see him at the play in hopes he would give his life to god.
when i saw him i thought how my moms life got thrown away for being with him.
how can someone get my mom hooked on all thoughs drugs. i saw them 2 smoke weed in my \bedroom. 
because he steped in my moms life and he got the drugs in her system. she became more deprest and 
beat us 10 times worse then she did before. 
the memories of him even smoking in my old house, bringing beer into the house..
i didnt want to think of the memories but i felt like screaming at him, and asking him why in the world did
you get my mom into this crap??!? because of you our family split.. i just wanted him to feel guilty..
i have no idea what in the world took pver me those 2 seconds i saw his face again..the devil brought back
those memories and he wanted me to yelll and go off. i tryed.... i held backk..but ohhh the bitterness i have twords him
stiilll i know its been a year or two. but to see the man that caused all this that happened to your mom.. its hard to forgive him..
it is gonna take some time... how can memories fly through my head in just 2 seconds....

• This is part 3 of a message that Pastor boom-boom has been preaching on..its a life-changing message.
  
• -1st Corinthians 9:24-27
• 24 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 25 All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.
• A life with out a purpose is like a race without a finish line.
• I am the head not the tail.
• You have to believe you are a champion before you ever become one.
• A champion believes in themselves before anyone else believes in them.
• A champion is not surprised when they win, they expect to win.
• A champion never quits but they always improve.
• Ephesians 4:11-15
• 11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. 13 This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. 14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
• People are scared of the achievement because it raises the bar of expectation.
• The will to succeed is important but what is more importantis the will to prepare.
• Hebrews 6:1,3,10-11
• 1 So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely we don’t need to start again with the fundamental importance of repenting from evil deeds and placing our faith in God.
• 3 And so, God willing, we will move forward to further understanding.
• 10 For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers,^[a] as you still do. 11 Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true.
• 2nd Peter 3:18

• 18 Rather, you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. All glory to him, both now and forever! Amen.

• Phillippians 1:25
•  25 Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith.
• 2nd Corinthians13:9
• 9 We are glad to seem weak if it helps show that you are actually strong. We pray that you will become mature.
• mature-to aim for profection
• Don't compare yourselves to others.
• a champion doesn't discover someone else potential they discover there own potential.
• It is not the mountain you climb that wears you out, Its that peddle in your shoe.
• Run to WIN.
• THATS AMAZING!!!

 JUST STOP AREADY........
why are you soooo rood to me.
i thought we were "best friends"
i guess not i am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
you hurt me over and over again.
do you even care how i feel anymore or what i think about this friendship.
i cant take it anymore. 
i cant talk to you anymore. 
i have to prevent myself from getting hurt again.
do u even care that our friendship is dying.
i have been trying to save it for soo long now 
but it takes two friends to save a friendship not 1.
it is gonna be hard to let you go because of the fact we have been through soooo
much. but i have to. i have to do it for me.
i guess we werent ment to be bffs..
but no ever is.
right now i cant realy have a best friend because i think every best friend i have is gonna 
just hurt me like you did
i hate loosing best friends. and now i have to leave. one.
i hope anf pray you realize how much you hurt me.
i wont leave you as that friend and that ear,and that soldier
i just cant take it anymore. when you wanna talk to me i wont ignore you.i promise you.
i love you and i am gonna miss you friend.
</3 

i HATE THIS..
I dont like school...i go here day in and day out..
i come here and hang with people i dont even like
im hanging with them and not even doing anything about it.
iwanna reach put to them buti cant..i crumbled up in this fearand i cant get out of this ball 
and i cant stand it anymore.everyday feelsthe same..coming to school.bball..home or 
eitherchurch..everyday is a routine..and i hate it.
i want it to bea new day not the same old day everyday.
i dont want this fear anymore...im so bounded up in it, it wont leave..
it almost says no im stuck with u forever..and it scares me so much..
i have true friends but not a school..i mean these pple at school are
cool and all but they are not christian..i cant talk about god infront of them..i cant be
myself around them..i need to be around my true friends...
how do i continue??.....
i live a hard life....
im in my digital art..1st period class..
done w/ my work andtyping when im notsuppose to be..
who cares...its kindof fun cus i get to be back here on livejournal..and you tube all 
period..
i love you all..<3